The conspiracy of the village bumpkins

Over the weekend Prime Minister Viktor Orbán said to Politico: “Of course it’s not accepted, but the factual point is that all the terrorists are basically migrants. The question is when they migrated to the European Union.” This statement started our brain juices flowing and we came to the conclusion that with his words Mr Orbán himself has unearthed a conspiracy that he has been leading for the last 25 years.

Without much difficulty the above statement can be revised to read: “The factual point is that all Fidesz leaders are basically small-town or village kids. The question is when they migrated to Budapest.”

Mr Orbán himself hails from a small village, Felcsút, and then went to a boarding school in a small town (Székesfehérvár) before joining law school in Budapest. Hungary’s president, János Áder comes from Csorna, a town in Western-Hungary, which is not far from Pápa, the place where Parliament Speaker László Kövér grew up. The recently appointed Minister in charge of the Prime Minister’s cabinet, Antal Rogán, originates from a small village, Szakonyfalu, which is almost exactly at the meeting point of Hungary, Slovenia and Austria, while the identity of the Minister of the Prime Minister’s office, János Lázár, was shaped in Hódmezővásárhely in Southern Hungary. The recently appointed head of the Fidesz faction in Parliament, Lajos Kósa, hails from Debrecen in East Hungary.

11406795_10153440552703293_6848268589934476707_nThe facts prove our hypothesis: Fidesz leaders who matter are indeed small-town or village kids, who migrated to Budapest either before or after attending university.

Now this is suspicious, isn’t it? This does not happen by accident, this must be the result of a conspiracy. There should have been proper screening procedures put in place to identify village boys conspiring to take over the country. Clearly, the last communist governments and the democratically elected ones too, have all failed dismally by allowing these boys to enter university, to conspire and to move around freely. We believe that Budapest should belong to those born in the City.

Our demands therefore are:

  • We should not let our culture be endangered by rural bumpkins!
  • Universities should be forbidden to accept students who were not born in Budapest!
  • Road checks along all roads leading into the capital city must be erected in order to prevent future conspirators – or let’s call them, for simplicity, terrorists, from entering Budapest!
  • A fence will also be erected.

And if we succeed, there will be eternal happiness and abundance of riches for everyone.

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